Alaska's King

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Location: Alaska, United States

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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

President Bush to Liberate Alaska

Shamelessly taken from at least two other sites, but posted here for its satire and humor value: "US president George W. Bush, in a speech to Congress today said, “Now that the situation in Iraq is under control, and after we’ve overthrown the governments of North Korea, Cuba, New Zealand, Iran and Madagascar, I’ll be asking you for a further $50 billion toward my administration’s efforts to help liberate Alaska, and give freedom to the Alaski people."

The Alaskan governor, Frank H. Murkowski has long been a thorn in the side of the federal government by frustrating their plans to grab control of the entire world’s oil reserves by the year 2010 to present to Dick Cheney as a birthday gift."

"George W. Bush said in his address and amid titters from the democratic benches, “Alaska has enough oil to last for another 50 years and I don’t see why such a small population of drunken snow mobile drivers and skiers should grow rich at the expense of the other 250 million Americans here on the mainland”.

“Furthermore”, he said “There are more big cars in California alone than in the entire country of Alaska and we need the oil more than them”. He added, “They’ve got more in the ground than they need and even if they didn’t have any, they could get enough from all the fish they catch down there”.

George W. Bush added in his address, “We believe that there is a conspiracy to play us off against the Russians and who could blame me for reaching that conclusion when Alaska’s prime minister has a name like Murkowski?”

On a more serious note, it would appear that the first steps in this 'liberation' are the closures of bases in Alaska. Maybe it's not so much satire after all. "The recommendation to include Eielson on the BRAC [Base Realignment and Closure Commission] list came from the Air Force as part of an effort to consolidate its A-10 and F-16 aircraft at bases in the Lower 48. Under the plan, Eielson's 18 A-10s would be reassigned to bases in Louisiana and Georgia and 18 F-16s would be transferred to Nevada. The Air National Guard's air tanker and rescue crew would remain at Eielson, which would be partially maintained for future training exercises"


Anonymous fmurkowski said...

Kudos to the intarnet here, without it we wouldn't have such crap like "President Bush to Liberate Alaska" to broadcast to the world.
Well, I'm sure Bush likes the oil and is probably eyeballing our PFD too.

12:54 AM  
Anonymous FatKidz said...

Yeah, because it's not like King George Bush, Prince Cheney, et. al. were not and are not heavily invested in and by Big Oil. What does your jet use for fuel, Guv'ner Murkowski? Seal Oil? Even Greenpeace uses oil for fuel. At least today.

The PFD will fall if the People let it.

1:12 AM  

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